Tuesday, September 25, 2018

BREAKING NEWS: Satan is Behind Attack on Kavanaugh

It’s not the Democrats or hated Liberals that have ganged up on poor Judge Kavanaugh, the truth can now be told.  These accusations of sexual misconduct are coming from none other than old Beelzebub himself—Satan.  We have that from one of the world’s foremost demon detectors, Bryan Fischer or the American Family Association.  Fischer says the fight to save Kavanaugh’s confirmation is “the biggest conflict between good and evil that we have seen in the last year.”  Apparently, there have been many good vs evil conflicts that Fischer has witnessed but this is the biglyist.  We reached out to Fischer for last year’s biglyist good/evil struggle but don’t have his answer yet.  Of course, everyone knows the biglyist good vs evil struggle in 2016 was between God’s candidate Donald Trump and Satan’s favorite Hilary Clinton.

According to Fischer what we are witnessing today is nothing less than “big league spiritual warfare” where one man who remained a virgin most of his life and never had even a beer unless it was root, stands alone, with a few billion dollars from the Koch Brothers and the help of God’s warriors Trump, Saint Mitch and Arch Angel Grassely against Satan and the Democrats and female demons of hell. That’s right, the “the forces of hell” are out to get this good man, this saint, this..well..really goodly conservative guy who will save the unborn babies.  Fischer isn’t having any of this.  The forces of goodlyness are aligned.  The soldiers of Heaven will have no more of these accusations.  Fischer has issued the call to arms.  “We say to Satan, ‘Satan, if you’re going to get to Brett Kavanaugh, you are going to have to go through us, because we are standing firm in the strength and the power of the Lord,'”

I don’t make this stuff up folks.

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